


Merlin vores dragons and Morgause is a ferret

by n0t_bess1e_b4ss_0n_the_b4ss



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Family Feels, Group chat, High School AU, Humor, Merlin is kinda a dick, Morgana is a good sister, Morgause has some issues, Multi, References to Depression, Sisters, Texting, and she’s a lesbian, but it’s cool, gay for Gwen, platonic fluff, references to Heathers, she’s sad, she’s the oldest in this, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-10-30 15:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17830838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n0t_bess1e_b4ss_0n_the_b4ss/pseuds/n0t_bess1e_b4ss_0n_the_b4ss
Summary: I didn’t have a creative title





	1. The Beginning of The End

GwaineTheGreat created The Earth Is Flat

GwaineTheGreat invited Morgayna, deadinside, kingofthehill, Merlin, reindeer, and an avocado 

Morgayna has joined The Earth Is Flat 

kingofthehill has joined The Earth Is Flat 

Merlin has joined The Earth Is Flat 

reindeer has joined The Earth Is Flat 

an avocado has joined The Earth Is Flat 

GwaineTheGreat: what’s up homos 

Merlin: why did you make a group chat???

GwaineTheGreat: why is your name so boring???

GwaineTheGreat changed Merlin’s name to MakesOutWithDragons

MakesOutWithDragon: WOW

kingofthehill: it fits 

reindeer: okay but why is my sister’s name what it is???

an avocado: your name is literally “reindeer” Elyan you have no right to talk 

reindeer: that’s fair 

Morgayna: Gwaine give me mod powers 

GwaineTheGreat: Sure why not

GwaineTheGreat has made Morgayna a mod

Morgayna has changed kingofthehill’s name to troybolton

troybolton: WHY

MakesOutWithDragons: now THAT fits

troybolton: I HATE THIS 

troybolton: STOP SAYING I LOOK LIKE TROY   
BOLTON

deadinside has joined The Earth Is Flat 

troybolton: HES WEAK AND A COWARD AND I AM NOT A COWARD 

deadinside: Who the HELL woke me up?

reindeer: Morgause,,,it’s four in the afternoon,,,,

deadinside: Depression nap. Sleep is the closest thing I can get to death, since Morgana won’t let me do ANYTHING because she has the eyes of a hawk.

Morgayna: We’re working on it.....

GwaineTheGreat: morgana typing properly only when she’s concerned about her sister adds ten years to my lifespan wow????

an avocado: awww! that’s so cute, Morgana! 

Morgayna: !!!!!!!

Morgayna: BOY AM I LUCKY MY SISTER IS A DEPRESSED MESS 

deadinside: You called?

troybolton: HHHGGHGGG


	2. High school kids cause madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also Morgause is a theatre nerd

troybolton: Come on losers we’re going out and getting food 

Morgayna: i love one (1) man 

MakesOutWithDragons: incest???

Morgayna: Merlin this is why nobody wants to date you 

deadinside: Hang on, I’m down in the basement classes.

deadinside: Running.

GwaineTheGreat: Morgause types so properly and it hurts 

troybolton: I’m parked in Suicide 

troybolton: In my Jeep

troybolton: gonna move cause Suicide is hell to get out of

troybolton: who tf is running after me

troybolton: oh wait

Morgayna: ME!!!!

troybolton: that’s 1/something where is everybody else 

GwaineTheGreat: coming out of the building now

reindeer: Gwen and i are here 

MakesOutWithDragons: same

an avocado: i can hear Morgause’s flip flops slapping on the pavement from here??

GwaineTheGreat changed deadinside’s name to flipflop

MakesOutWithDragons: why does Morgause wear flip flops in the dead of winter?? it’s freezing outside 

troybolton: i Don’t...know.....

reindeer: is there enough room for everyone in the Jeep?

flipflop: I’ll ride in the trunk. Or floorboards.

MakesOutWithDragons: fine with me

flipflop: If you step on me, though, I’ll bite your goddamn toes off.

MakesOutWithDragons: im rethinking my choice 

troybolton: get in the car thots!! we leaving now!!

flipflop: LAJDNSBSBSBS

Morgayna: WAS THAT LOUD THUMP FROM THE BACK MY SISTER 

GwaineTheGreat: MORGAUSE JUST SLAMMED INTO THE SEAT WHEN ARTHUR STEPPED ON IT 

reindeer: Morgana throwing her phone down and jerking around in the passenger seat to check on Morgause is so pure 

flipflop: I’m fine!

Morgayna: Thank the Gods.

Morgayna: im gonna blast music so talk on here cause nobody will hear you 

MakesOutWithDragons: is she gonna play what i think

reindeer: THE DEMON QUEEN OF HIGH SCHOOL HAS DECREED IT

MakesOutWithDragons: there is it

flipflop: This song is my jam. Anxiety cannot take me when this comes on. I am immune. I am immortal. I am all powerful. Nothing can harm me while Dead Girl Walking plays. 

an avocado: you’re doing amazing sweetie 

GwaineTheGreat: omg she’s singing 

MakesOutWithDragons: i want to make fun of her but she’s actually really good???

flipflop: Ha. Suck it, Merlin.

an avocado: i think Veronica Sawyer might be doing the same thing 

reindeer: GUINEVERE 

GwaineTheGreat: she’s not wrong though 

flipflop: Unpopular opinion but JD was really abusive and not a good guy and people shouldn’t romanticize him with Veronica. Because he abused her. 

Morgayna: hard rt

MakesOutWithDragons: rt

reindeer: rt

an avocado: rt

GwaineTheGreat: rt

troybolton: rt

an avocado: ARTHUR YOURE DRIVING

troybolton: Red light it’s cool 

MakesOutWithDragons: no,,it’s not,,,,

GwaineTheGreat: THE BEST PART OF THE SONG IS COMING UP

GwaineTheGreat: SLAP ME

flipflop: PULL MY HAIR

MakesOutWithDragons: oh my god 

reindeer: this is so beautiful 

—

>>> 3:23 AM <<<

flipflop: WHO CHANGED MY NAME

Morgayna: WHY ARE YOU AWAKE


	3. Gwen traumatizes children: the chapter

reindeer: YALL IM DYING OH MY GOD

MakesOutWithDragons: ???

reindeer: SO GWEN AND I ARE AT THIS GRADE SCHOOL TO PRESENT OUR MEDTERM WINTER FINAL, WHICH IS A CHILDREN’S BOOK ABOUT A DISEASE OR MENTAL DISORDER, AND HERS IS SO WILD CAUSE SHE PICKED THE BLACK PLAGUE 

reindeer sent a video- bwackpwague.mov

GwaineTheGreat: tag yourself im the descriptive details of the disease symptoms 

MakesOutWithDragons: im the teachers who look like they want to be anywhere but there

flipflop: I’m the kid about to cry.

troybolton: im the plague rat

Morgayna: im Elyan wheezing in the background 

reindeer: GWEN JUST TURNED THE PAGE AND IS NOW EDUCATING THESE FOURTH GRADERS ON PLAGUE PITS

flipflop: Aren’t those the giant graves that a ton of dead bodies were dumped into?

reindeer: HDHAHAHDHAB YES

troybolton: OH MY GOD

reindeer sent a video- icantbreathe.mov

GwaineTheGreat: the beauty of this video is the split second of everyone looking over to El right before he falls over and drops his phone, laughing 

reindeer: GWEN CAN BARELY READ ANYMORE

reindeer: SHE FELL OUT OF HER CHAIR 

troybolton: video video!!

MakesOutWithDragons: video!

reindeer sent a video- alaughinggurl.mov

flipflop: Props to her for continuing her attempt to read.

Morgayna: god i love her

MakesOutWithDragons: Morg that’s gay

Morgayna: im a lesbian???

reindeer: Y’all she got up, wiped her eyes, and continued her task like a trooper 

troybolton: y’all 

MakesOutWithDragons: y’all

GwaineTheGreat: y’all

reindeer: AAAAAAAA

reindeer: Gwen, without stuttering or laughing- Anything that’s dangling won’t be any good for dingling 

flipflop: WAS THAT A SOMETHING ROTTEN REFERENCE?!

MakesOutWithDragons: ha! musical nerd 

flipflop: Merlin, I will cut your tongue out in your sleep.

reindeer: she finally finished and some kid says “i have a pet rat” and Gwen looks him straight in the eye and goes “then i guess you’ll just have to prepare to die”

troybolton: why is Gwen traumatizing children so funny??

an avocado: those kids just got DECKED with knowledge

GwaineTheGreat: OH MY GOD


	4. Morgause is a walking disaster

flipflop: body- tgrobbng 

flipflop: mebikations- acqired 

flipflop: Arthru’s car- strated

flipflop: i m frcibly remvoed fmro the phramcy

an avocado: ?????

reindeer: is she...okay...?

Morgayna: For those who don’t know: Arthur, Morgause, and I went out, like a cool trio of siblings, and Morgause wanted to pick up some sleeping pills.

Morgayna: Long story short, she took them immediately because she needs sleep and she’s now high off of them thanks to the side effects. I don’t know when they’ll kick in or knock her out. They are terrible.

GwaineTheGreat: wow 

flipflop: u tlakng botu me

Morgayna: Yes, hun.

flipflop: awww thnak you

MakesOutWithDragons: you know, I think I like her better like this 

Morgayna: You are on thin fucking ice, Merlin. One more comment about my sister and you’re out.

Morgayna sent a video- medsarekickingherarse.mov

reindeer: OH MY GOD

GwaineTheGreat: tag yourself as something in the video im “blease open a window”

MakesOutWithDragons: im Morgana frantically trying to stop Morgause from pouring Sprite on herself 

reindeer: im “there is no air circulation in this car”

an avocado: I’m the “MORGAUSE STOP-“ from Morgana right as the video cuts off 

Morgayna: mobody perfect yuo freakibg bictcg

Morgayna: Sorry, she took my phone.

flipflop: suht up

MakesOutWithDragons: this is the greatest thing ever 

MakesOutWithDragons: this is blackmail 

Morgayna: December 21, 2023.

MakesOutWithDragons: is,,,

MakesOutWithDragons: is that my death date 

Morgayna: Perhaps.

flipflop: c

flipflop: can 

reindeer: it’s okay take your time

flipflop: can we opne a window 

an avocado: it’s snowing???

flipflop: THeRE iS  
N O  
AiR CIRVULAYION 

IN TH I SLSJ 

C AR!!!! !! Ndjkssj B.B. !!!

GwaineTheGreat: oh. my god.

an avocado: someone,,,someone save her 

Morgayna: Morgause, go to sleep.

flipflop: blease open a window 

Morgayna: No.


	5. Quality Pendragon bonding time

troybolton: who’s your guys’ favorite Mario Kart character??

MakesOutWithDragons: IT’S THREE IN THE MORNING

GwaineTheGreat: Luigi

troybolton: Gwaine gets how dire this question is

an avocado: Yoshi

reindeer: Dry Bones

troybolton: mine is Bowser Jr

MakesOutWithDragons: i hate all of you

MakesOutWithDragons: but probably Toad

GwaineTheGreat: wow he answered

flipflop: Inkling. 

reindeer: WOAH HEY WHY ARE YOU AWAKE

troybolton: YEAH WHAT THE HELL MORG

an avocado: you should really be asleep, Morgause

GwaineTheGreat: this chat whenever one of us are awake at some ungodly hour of the night- fine don’t sleep for nine days straight and die  
this chat when Morgause is awake- ALSKAKHDANKANDBSJAJDNA SLEEP!!!!!!!

reindeer: so true tho

troybolton: Morg since you’re awake let’s sneak out !!

flipflop: I suppose I don’t have a choice since I hear you changing clothes and stomping down the hallway.

troybolton sent a photo- sneakingout.jpg

GwaineTheGreat: oh my god she’s wearing hedgehog slippers

an avocado: Morg looks so exhausted

flipflop: I am.

troybolton: just jumped out the window like a true pro 

troybolton: it’s Morg’s turn!!

troybolton sent a photo- letsgomorg!!!.jpg

an avocado: she looks so concerned

MakesOutWithDragons: be careful you two

GwaineTheGreat: lol what a mom

—

4:15AM

Morgayna: WHERE ARE MY SIBLINGS


	6. Arthur and Morgause reenact Lord of The Flies

troybolton: who wants to come reenact lord of the flies with me

MakesOutWithDragons: ITS??? FOUR IN THE MORNING????

reindeer: ARTHUR GO TO BED

troybolton: im gonna Fight someone for a Conch and some specs

Morgayna: ARTHUR WILLIAM PENDRAGON 

GwaineTheGreat: woah ur middle name is William???

reindeer: Angry Mom is here

GwaineTheGreat changed Morgayna’s name to team.mom

team.mom: GO TO BED. LET US SLEEP.

troybolton: no

an avocado has muted the chat

troybolton: >:O

troybolton: prick

reindeer: Power move

reindeer: NOW SLEEP

flipflop: Hey, Arthur, I’m up. I’ll act out Lord of the Flies with you.

MakesOutWithDragons: MORGAUSE NO-

troybolton: yesss!!!! thank you Morg!!!!

troybolton: im in the backyard come join me

flipflop: Coming.

team.mom: JFC

team.mom: ugh

team.mom: im staying in bed

team.mom: don’t die 

—

troybolton: I HAVE THE CONCH

troybolton: I HAVE THE CONCH I GET TO AKDJAJDJAJSNAD

an avocado has unmuted the couch

an avocado: What the hell

flipflop: It’s my conch now.

GwaineTheGreat: did Morg just kill Arthur 

team.mom: Wonderful! Maybe this idea wasn’t so bad after all.

MakesOutWithDragons: skkdhajdjajsn MORGANA!!!

reindeer: THAT’S YOUR BROTHER OMG

troybolton: prick 

troybolton: nobody can kill me

troybolton: except maybe Morg at this moment because she’s pointing a big freaking stick at me

troybolton sent a photo- herstick.jpg

MakesOutWithDragons: are you guys using a rock for the conch???

troybolton: does it look like we live around a beach

an avocado: who is who???

flipflop: I think I was Simon but I’ve evolved into Roger and Jack.

troybolton: im Ralph!!

troybolton: RALPH DOESNT DIE MORG STOP THREATENING ME WITH YOR STICK

GwaineTheGreat: yor

MakesOutWithDragons: yor

an avocado: Arthur is about to be murdered but he continues to type to keep us posted

troybolton: I HAVE THE CONCH!!!!!

troybolton: MERLIN IM COMING OVER MAKE SURE THE WINDOW IS OPEN

MakesOutWithDragons: WHAT

flipflop: You literally just gave away your position.

reindeer: are you seriously chasing Arthur over a rock?

troybolton: IT’S A CONCH

flipflop: ^^^^^

flipflop: And yes.


	7. A natural Lara Croft

troybolton sent a photo- sheclimb.jpg

troybolton: look at her go

reindeer: wh 

reindeer: why

MakesOutWithDragons: it is literally fifth period WHY ARE YOU TWO NOT IN CLASS

troybolton: Morg was stressed and I didn’t want to take my economic test so naturally we hid in the bathrooms until the bell rang

troybolton: now we’re outside 

troybolton: and Morg is climbing a tree

an avocado: WAIT THAT TREE IS RIGHT OUTSIDE MY CLASS 

an avocado: Gwaine is in here with me and his head snapped towards the window so fast I thought his neck broke 

GwaineTheGreat: OH MY GOD WHERE IS SHE

flipflop: Up high.

MakesOutWithDragons: hang on im a teacher’s aid in this period and im gonna pretend to go deliver something so i can go see 

reindeer: why must i be in the basement classes right now 

reindeer: please keep me posted 

troybolton: has anyone else noticed?

an avocado: not yet

an avocado: MORGAUSE YOUR LEG IS SHOWING

GwaineTheGreat: some kid noticed and Gwen gave him a look that could kill. he isn’t gonna say anything

team.mom: i just finished a test- what’s going on?

MakesOutWithDragons: scroll up

team.mom: AAAAAAAAA

troybolton: Morg is a natural Lara Croft

troybolton: she’s going really high

troybolton: okay im getting nervous

an avocado: Gwaine and i are pretending to look through the bookshelf by the wall so we could be closer to the window 

MakesOutWithDragons: i have a good view of this

MakesOutWithDragons: damn she’s up high

team.mom: I need to get out of this class 

flipflop: Will y’all calm down?

GwaineTheGreat: YALL 

flipflop: I’m fin alwndbwjabdjajabsa

troybolton: OH GOD 

an avocado: THIS BLUR OF YELLOW AND BLUE JUST PASSED BY THE WINDOW 

GwaineTheGreat: THAT WAS A LOUD FREAKING THUMP OH MY GOD

GwaineTheGreat: ALL YOU COULD HEAR IS THIS ABRUPT SCREAM AND THEN A CRASH 

reindeer: DID MORGAUSE FALL?!!

team.mom: WHAT 

troybolton: OH MY GOD BRANCHES BROKE UNDER HER ON THE WAY DOWN

an avocado: GUYS THE TEACHER HEARD SHE’S GOING TO THE WINDOW

MakesOutWithDragons: Arthur just grabbed Morgause and dove into the bushes 

reindeer: is

reindeer: is Morgause okay

MakesOutWithDragons: Morgana is going to have a heart attack if you don’t answer 

troybolton: uhhhhhhhh

team.mom: ARTHUR

troybolton: yes

troybolton: she’s alive 

reindeer: THATS NOT WHAT I ASKED

flipflop: I’m fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry.

team.mom: I’m going to worry.

an avocado: awww

GwaineTheGreat: you can tell who’s the best sib from this

—

an avocado: Morg and I are in sixth period together and she sat down and started crying 

an avocado: she’s being subtle though

flipflop: Have y’all ever wondered about how it would feel like to have your spine ripped out and then was beaten with it?

flipflop: This is how it feels.

flipflop: Please take me to the hospital


	8. The angst train has left the station

flipflop: Hey y’all. I’m ordering 14 bottles of soda from Dominos.

flipflop: I’m THORSTY.

troybolton: damnit i wish you were home right now

reindeer: where is she???

an avocado: must not be bad if Morgana isn’t freaking out about it

team.mom: She lives with her dad. She just sometimes stays over at our house, like she has been for the past few weeks. It’s an off and on thing. The only thing I’m worried about is her back.

flipflop: Ha. My spine is practically shattered.

MakesOutWithDragons: Uther is gay?????

troybolton: IM WITH MORGANA AND SHE WHEEZED SO LOUDLY IVE NEVER HEARD HER MAKE THIS NOISE BEFORE

team.mom: SCREENSHOTTED

team.mom: sending it to my dad now

MakesOutWithDragons: WAIT NO STOP

reindeer: this tea is piping

flipflop sent a photo- JustinPutYourOrderInTheOven.jpg

flipflop: HE BETTER FREAKING NOT HAVE

GwaineTheGreat: wow Morg is such a mood sometimes

—

flipflop: I like my men how i like my coffee.

flipflop: Nowhere between my legs.

flipflop: Women too.

flipflop: I’m ace so

flipflop: Oh wait

flipflop: Blaze it.

an avocado: you are a solid minute off

flipflop: Oh god someone is awake.

an avocado: why are you awake at 4:21 in the morning??

flipflop: Why are YOU awake at 4:21 in the morning?

an avocado: getting water and checked my phone

an avocado: now answer my question

flipflop: Sadness ™

an avocado: oh

an avocado: want to talk about it?

flipflop: I don’t want to bother anyone.

an avocado: I’ll make a private chat for us, okay?

-

an avocado>>>>>>flipflop

an avocado: What’s going on?

flipflop: Does everyone type normally if they’re worried about something?

an avocado: Morgause. You’re avoiding my question.

an avocado: Morgause?

flipflop: Sorry I started crying again haha

flipflop: It’s just my back, I swear. Probably split open again

an avocado: AGAIN? That’s worrisome on its own, but you’re a terrible liar. What’s going on? Do you need to go to the hospital? Maybe you should wake up your dad.

flipflop: I can’t.

flipflop: My dad was in a really bad mood today. I don’t know why and I was too nervous to ask him.

flipflop: Then he got all worked up about something I accidentally broke when I bumped into the shelf. That was apparently good reason for him to start yelling about me living with Morgana and Arthur. He said he “hoped they were a better family than he was”. I tried to reason with him, but then he threw a vase at my head.

flipflop: He hasn’t gotten physical like that in a long time.

flipflop: I’ve been awake since. I couldn’t sleep after that. I locked myself in my room, but I still think I can hear him standing outside my door.

flipflop: And it makes it worse that I’m left all alone in here with so many...well, weapons. I’ve been trying to be better and take medicine and stuff, but the antibiotics are downstairs and I’m too much of a coward to go get them. He’s probably asleep by now but I’m scared of what he’ll do if he isn’t or if I wake him up. There’s nobody here to stop him.

flipflop: I can’t tell Morgana or Arthur because it would just make them worry even more.

an avocado: Come stay with me tonight.

flipflop: What? Really?

an avocado: Yes, really. I won’t let you stay in that house with that man. You’re hurt and you need to just get out of there. Your dad doesn’t need to know.

an avocado: Pack your things and sneak out the window. I’m starting my car now.

flipflop: Guinevere, thank you so much...

an avocado: Hey, shh, it’s no problem. I’ll be there in 20 minutes. Will you be okay until then?

flipflop: Yeah, I think so.

flipflop: Thank you so, so much.

an avocado: I love you. We love you.

an avocado: Be there soon.

——

7:30AM

GwaineTheGreat: Morgause sent me eight articles on fish last night is she okay???

MakesOutWithDragons: i got the ENTIRE Heathers script,,,,,

team.mom: Morgause, honey, are you okay?

flipflop: I’m fine, don’t worry.

reindeer: i can’t believe we adopted a ferret

troybolton: ????

an avocado: ELYAN WHEN WILL YOU LEARN TO SHUT THE HELL UP

GwaineTheGreat has changed flipflop’s name to ferret

ferret: Anything is better than flipflop tbh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gwen is an absolute angel


	9. Merlin vores dragons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the truth

ferret: I miss sitting comfortably so much.

MakesOutWithDragons: ha Morgause can’t sleep normally anymore 

ferret: I will steal your spine.

GwaineTheGreat: oh mood 

team.mom: I have Ibuprofen in my backpack- what class are you in?

ferret: AP English. Don’t worry, I’m fine. You have a test in your class, don’t you?

team.mom: Yeah, but still.

troybolton: don’t worry so much ‘Gana 

troybolton: she’s good! 

troybolton: But I would have offered some, too 

ferret: I’m not trusting you with anything after what happened on Tuesday.

reindeer: oh tea?

GwaineTheGreat: what happened on Tuesday??

an avocado: OH MY GOD THIS STORY

troybolton: i yelled “MORGAUSE HAS GUM” in the middle of our big third period and watched all hell come loose

an avocado: Morg had an anxiety attack 

MakesOutWithDragons: some people just wanna watch the world burn

MakesOutWithDragons: also Gwaine please change my name im so sick of it

GwaineTheGreat: fine everyone can get a new name

GwaineTheGreat has changed an avocado’s name to LiteralAngel

GwaineTheGreat has changed reindeer’s name to sendvines

GwaineTheGreat changed MakesOutWithDragons’s name to DragonVore

DragonVore: WHAT NO OH GOD THIS IS WORSE 

troybolton: WHY DIDNT YOU CHANGE MINE

GwaineTheGreat: it fits 

ferret: Valid.

ferret: Off topic but Gwen has such a good shower. Like, the functions of that things I great. The water pressure is amazing- you know it’s great when it can break open the wound on my back!

troybolton: Morg,,,,no,,,,,

troybolton: Why are you staying at Gwen’s anyway?

sendvines: we wanted to bond 

ferret: I needed peace for a big art project. No offense, but the house is pretty wild. And there’s only three of us half the time.

team.mom: it’s not MY fault Arthur insists on playing The Floor Is Lava every single hour 

troybolton: and yet you still participate

team.mom: i ain’t no coward

GwaineTheGreat: AINT

DragonVore: my teacher just noticed that i was crying how do i tell her it was because of my group chat name

LiteralAngel: MERLIN OH MY GOD

—

2:34AM

sendvines: was there a break in or was that thump just Morgause

LiteralAngel: i don’t know,,,I’ll go check on her

troybolton: flskdjskslslla

troybolton: skakdlakbdkwsmdbkwaj

troybolton: skdhakms

troybolton: Okay im awake now 

sendvines: wow 

LiteralAngel: it was Morgause 

ferret: Hey y’all it was me. I got my hand stuck in my paint containers.

sendvines: h

sendvines: HOW

sendvines: also please stop saying y’all this isn’t Texas

team.mom: WHOS TEXTING AT TWO IN THE MORNING

LiteralAngel: your family 

team.mom: oh

GwaineTheGreat: tbh sometimes i wonder if this chat was a mistake

sendvines: wow 

GwaineTheGreat: hhhhh i have a geo test tomorrow so

GwaineTheGreat muted the chat

ferret: >:o

troybolton has muted the chat 

ferret: >:0

team.mom: Sleep soon, Morg.

team.mom has muted the chat

ferret: >:O !!!!!!!!

sendvines: betrayal 

sendvines has muted the chat

ferret: OH COME ON

ferret: Gwen is back and bed so I guess I’m the only one left.

ferret: You chucked me out like I was trash  
For that you should be dead..  
But!  
But!  
But!  
Then it hit me like a flash  
What if high school went away instead?  
Those ******** are the key!  
They're keeping you away from me!  
They made you blind, messed up your mind  
But I can set you free!

You left me and I fell apart  
I punched the wall and cried..  
Bam!  
Bam!  
Bam!  
Then I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful **** inside!  
And so I built a bomb  
Tonight our school is Vietnam!  
Let's guarantee they'll never see their senior prom!

I was meant to be yours!  
We were meant to be one!  
Don't give up on me now!  
Finish what we've begun!  
I was meant to be yours!

So when the high school gym goes BOOM with everyone inside..  
Pkhw!  
Pkhw!  
Pkhw!  
In the rubble of their tomb  
We'll plant this note explaining why they died!

[J.D. & STUDENTS:]  
We, the students of Westerburg High  
Will die  
Our burnt bodies may finally get through  
To you  
Your society churns out slaves and blanks  
No thanks  
Signed the Students of Westerburg High  
'Goodbye.'

[J.D.:]  
We'll watch the smoke pour out the doors  
Bring marshmallows  
We'll make s'mores!  
We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!

[J.D. & STUDENTS:]  
I was meant to be yours!  
We were meant to be one!  
I can't take it alone!  
Finish what we've begun!  
YOU WERE MEANT TO BE MINE!  
I AM ALL THAT YOU NEED!  
YOU CARVED OPEN MY HEART!  
CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME TO BLEED!

Veronica, open the- open the door, please  
Veronica, open the door  
Veronica, can we not fight anymore, please  
Can we not fight anymore  
Veronica, sure, you're scared  
I've been there. I can set you free!  
Veronica, don't make me come in there!  
I'm gonna count to three!  
One!  
Two! **** it!

[J.D.:]  
Oh my God... No! Veronica!  
Please don't leave me alone  
You were all I could trust  
I can't do this alone

[JD & STUDENTS:]  
STILL I WILL IF I MUST!...

[VERONICA'S MOM:]  
Veronica!  
I brought you a snack!  
Veronica?  
Aaaghhh!

DragonVore has muted the chat

ferret: DAMNIT

—

7:41 PM

LiteralAngel: yeet 

troybolton has unmuted the chat

troybolton: why??

LiteralyAngel: yeet yeet

GwaineTheGreat has unmuted the chat

team.mom has unmuted the chat

DragonVore has unmuted the chat

sendvines has unmuted the chat

GwaineTheGreat: those words coming from her has,,,,so much,,,,,chaotic energy 

LiteralAngel: yeeto 

DragonVore: shes Cursed 

team.mom: wow im gay???

troybolton: nice Gana 

LiteralAngel: will you be the yee to my haw 

LiteralAngel: the answer is yeet 

sendvines: GWEN STOP 

LiteralAngel: drive me to school i can’t while i dissociate 

sendvines: got it 

team.mom: okay but seriously are you okay??

LiteralAngel: indeed Madam 

LiteralAngel: i enjoy making a scene 

GwaineTheGreat: wow what a legend 

LiteralAngel: why isn’t Morg awake yet?? this is strange

sendvines: where did i put those ferret treats 

ferret: DAMIAN:  
My momma used to tell me:  
“baby girl don’t ever eat lunch on the john.”

JANIS (spoken): Your mother called you “baby girl”?

DAMIAN:  
(spoken) Singing, ha ha  
(sung) If the other ducklings think you’re ugly  
It’s because they’ve never seen a swan  
It takes all kinds of people who need people  
So find people you can bare

Go find your group, your herd, your flock  
Come talk a walk and answer my small questionnaire  
Which I’ll sing to you…  
Ahh. Ahhh

Where do you belong?  
Where do you belong?  
Where do you belong?  
Where do you belong?

You’ll be judged on sight  
And made to fit  
So find a clique and stick with it  
Say, where do you belong?

(spoken): Let’s take a walk in the cafeteria, shall we? I’ll show you the world as I see it

Varsity jocks and jv jocks  
Will throw you in a locker if you say “Hello.”  
The rich stoners hate the gangsta whites  
Though they're all smokin' the same oregano

Here’s the sexually active band geeks  
I’ve got two words for you:  
“embouchure” and “ew”  
And if you like blowing and fingering

Sexually active band geeks  
This is the group of you!

DAMIAN:   
(spoken) Back me up, show choir!  
(sung) Cady, where do you belong  
Where do you belong

STUDENTS:  
We’re dying to tell ya!

DAMIAN:  
We all get a box that’s where we go  
It’s stifling but at least you know  
So, where do you belong?

STUDENTS:  
We’re dying to tell ya!  
We’re dying to  
We’re dying to  
We’re dying to!

DAMIAN:  
There’s girls that eat their feelings  
And girls who don’t eat  
I like eating birthday cake around them  
(spoken) Makes them crazy  
Debate team

STUDENTS:  
And dance team  
They like to compete

DAMIAN:  
And if they don’t win  
Their parents ground them

CADY (spoken): Who’s this?

DAMIAN:  
Darling those are the mathletes

CADY (spoken): Cool!

DAMIAN:  
Joining them is social suicide

DAMIAN & STUDENTS:  
It’s all college applications  
And doctor who quotations

DAMIAN:  
They wear their awkwardness with stubborn pride  
(spoken) This is my dance break

STUDENTS:  
Where do you belong  
Where do you belong  
Where do you belong  
Where do you belong

DAMIAN:  
You’ll be judged on site, voted in or out  
‘cause that’s what high school’s all about

STUDENTS:  
Where do you belong?

CADY (spoken): Oh, a kenya jacket! Jambo, rafiki!

RACHEL HAMILTON: What did you call me?

DAMIAN (spoken): Nope. Those are the woke seniors. Hey, rachel! You look cute.   
I liked your post about intersectional veganism. See? Nothing.   
She can tell we’re idiots  
(sung) But, who is at this table? Why it’s janis!

JANIS: And damian, too!

STUDENTS: Ooo

JANIS & DAMIAN:  
We’re not exactly joiners  
But, we’ll be good friends to you  
And our friendship means you can skip

JANIS: The geeks and the freaks, and the peaking too soon

DAMIAN:  
The strivers, and the survivors, just waiting for june  
The junior achievers

JANIS: The christian believers

DAMIAN: The tall, flowering wallflowers, bending on sneakers

JANIS & DAMIAN:  
Forget this fuss  
And shall with us  
Come to lunch  
And sit with us!

CADY (spoken): Okay?!

JANIS: (spoken) Yes! (sung) Sit with us

DAMIAN:  
Here’s where you belong

JANIS & DAMIAN:  
Here’s where you belong

STUDENTS:  
Here’s where you belong  
Here’s where you belong  
Here’s where you belong  
Here’s where you belong

DAMIAN:  
You need protection with pizazz  
And helping hands

STUDENTS:  
Not also jazz!  
Here’s where you belong  
Stay here

CADY: Okay, i’m staying!

STUDENTS:  
Yes, here’s where you belong!

JANIS & DAMIAN:  
Hey, cady, this is where you fit!  
Hey, cady, this is where you sit!

STUDENTS:  
Here’s where you belong!

DragonVore: she came running when you mentioned those treats

DragonVore: ALSO WHY

troybolton: THAT ISNT EVEN FROM THE SAME MUSICAL

troybolton: IF YOURE GONNA HAVE A THEME THEN STICK WITH IT

troybolton: YOU SEND ME EIGHTEEN OUT OF TWENTY HEATHERS SONG LAST NIGHT

troybolton: WHERE ARE THE OTHER TWO MORG

troybolton: WHERE ARE THEY

team.mom sent a video- ArthuragressivelydancingtoCandyStore.mov

GwaineTheGreat: OH MY GOD

DragonVore: AKDHAHAHAHA SAVED 

LiteralAngel: ELYAN LITERALLY JUST SCREAMED AAAAAAA

ferret: The chaos I have caused is wonderful.

ferret: Also I’m climbing out the window now. I heard Elyan start the car.

sendvines sent a photo- whoosh.jpg

troybolton: i love how it’s just a blur of her falling

team.mom: I need to start taking Xanax for the anxiety she gives me

ferret: You learn to live with it over time. How do you think I’ve become so stable?

DragonVore: i have a picture of you eating a marshmallow that was still on fire 

ferret: You won’t be laughing for long, little man.

DragonVore: im taller than you??

DragonVore: also what?????

DragonVore: Morgause??? 

LiteralAngel: oh worm 

LiteralAngel: approaching the prison gates with my brother and Shadow The Hedgehog 

troybolton: “oh worm”

team.mom: “prison gates”

GwaineTheGreat: “SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG”

ferret: Excuse you. If you’re gonna call me a ferret then you better stick with it.

sendvines: i love our edgy talking pet ferret

—

3:21 pm

ferret: For five dollars I’ll draw Merlin voring a dragon:

-MULTIPLE PEOPLE ARE OPENING PAYPAL-

DragonVore: AKDHAKSBAJDHAKANSKALSB


	10. Hiding a ferret is harder than it looks

>>> 11:03PM <<<

LiteralAngel: did King Henry starve the peasants or was that the French Revolution???

DragonVore: is it just a thing now to be up at ungodly hours of the night

GwaineTheGreat: to be fair it’s only eleven so

team.mom: Gwen, honey, are you okay?

LiteralAngel: mhm

LiteralAngel: just trying to finish a history report that’s due at twelve tonight 

GwaineTheGreat: that’s a big oof Gwen

troybolton: tbh that’s what you get for taking an AP history class

LiteralAngel: I’m sorry, not all of us are rich and can afford to get into any college we want

LiteralAngel: unlike you, I don’t rely on my looks and getting with people to get good grades

troybolton: :o

DragonVore: Arthur she just scalped you within an inch of your life

sendvines: i was playing Smash with the ferret what’s going on

GwaineTheGreat: ur smashing the ferret????

sendvines: NO!!!!!

DragonVore: real classy Gwaine

ferret: Hey, Gwen, why don’t you take a breather for a moment and get some water? You’ve been in your room since five.

LiteralAngel: ugh 

LiteralAngel: Alright 

troybolton: what a teenage girl response 

troybolton: “ugh”

ferret: Dear future Guinevere- I’ve just snuck into your bedroom and locked the door so I can do your essay for you. You need sleep. Stay in the guest bedroom for the night. Don’t worry about me, I stay up all the time. And I’m pretty good at writing essays, so I’ll make it good.

LiteralAngel: AJDBWJDHAODNA

GwaineTheGreat: WOW WHAT AN ANGEL 

team.mom: that’s!!! My sister!!!!! 

sendvines: HELLO YES HOW DO I LEGALLY ADOPT A FERRET

LiteralAngel: MORGAUSE!!!!

ferret: Sorry, I can’t hear you over me typing!

LiteralAngel: fine!

LiteralAngel: But I won’t feel good about this 

LiteralAngel: Thank you, though. Love ya.

ferret: Love you, too. Goodnight, Gwen.

GwaineTheGreat: IN THIS HOUSE WE STAN SOFT MORGAUSE AND GUINEVERE 

DragonVore: WAIT SERIOUSLY 

DragonVore: you’re doing it FOR HER?!

ferret: Of course. I owe her big time. 

ferret: Go to bed, everyone. There won’t be any disruptions tonight. I have an essay to write.

troybolton: you owe her big time for staying at their house to paint????

—

>>> 4:45PM <<<

sendvines: Morg and i have the house to ourselves and she’s just been sketching next to the Roomba 

GwaineTheGreat has changed ferret’s name to roomba 

DragonVore: that name makes me freaking CACKLE for some reason and i don’t know why

troybolton: something about it is hilarious 

DragonVore: Morgause has gotten her name changed so much and yet im still stuck with the horrible ones 

team.mom: good

LiteralAngel: AIDHWIDHAIDBAJSBWHANDB

DragonVore: jesus christ 

GwaineTheGreat: reel it in honey 

troybolton: Gwaine out here now referring to the girls as “honey” and “darling” like the gay brother figure he is 

GwaineTheGreat: yeet

LiteralAngel: UHH SO FAMILY IS COMING OVER EL

sendvines: W AHT

LiteralAngel: I DONT KNOW ONE SECOND ITS JUST DAD AND ME AND THEN THERE IS FAMILY SJDHSJDIW

sendvines: OH GOD WAIT WASNT TODAY THAT WEIRD BBQ THING

LiteralAngel: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

LiteralAngel: IT WAS OH GOD

troybolton: this tea is piping

DragonVore: i feel like i shouldn’t be watching this but it’s so funny not to 

roomba: Why are you panicking?

LiteralAngel: OUR DAD DOESNT KNOW YOUVE BEEN LIVING HERE

roomba: ANDBWJDHAJDJ

GwaineTheGreat: WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HAVING AN ANEURISM RIGHT NOW 

DragonVore: Wait Wait Wait Wait

DragonVore: Morgause has been living at your house for FOUR days and??? your dad??? never noticed???

troybolton: in their defense Morgause is probably the quietest tenant ever

team.mom: True. she doesn’t make a lot of noise or moves around the house. she just draws or paints in her room

team.mom: I think the real question is WHY DID YOU NOT TELL YOUR DAD?

sendvines: UHHHHHH

LiteralAngel: THEYRE IN THE HOUSE MORGAUSE HIDE 

DragonVore: im just gonna sit back and watch this play out

troybolton: honestly big same where’s the popcorn

sendvines: AJDIWNDISHDKA THE FAMILY WAS GOING TO THE STAIRS AND GWEN IS TRYING TO STALL THEM

sendvines: “so how do you feel about the death penalty?”

GwaineTheGreat: HSHAJDMWKDASPWIDI

roomba: That’s it! I’m killing myself!

sendvines: THATLL MAKE IT EVEN HARDER TO EXPLAIN??!?!

DragonVore: i don’t like how THATS the thing you zeroed in on 

team.mom: MORGAUSE NO

roomba: Oh god. I’m so sorry, guys. I should have just left or not have stayed. I didn’t want to get you in trouble. I’m so sorry.

LiteralAngel: Morgause, it’s okay! We’ll figure this out!

sendvines: oh god oh god they’re coming up the stairs 

roomba: Jumping out the window. No other choice 

troybolton: does this house not have closets???? y’all living in a shack????

GwaineTheGreat: y’all 

sendvines: they stepped into the upstairs den right as Morgause probably broke her ankles outside 

sendvines: why do all parents give tours of the house??

DragonVore: valid question tbh

LiteralAngel: they’re going back downstairs but my dad just called me and Elyan to come talk?? oh god???

troybolton: Gwen and Elyan are officially dead

GwaineTheGreat: rip in pepperonis 

LiteralAngel: you wish

sendvines: apparently he knew the entire time about the ferret we had smuggled into the house??? can’t tell if he’s lying or not but at least he’s cool with it 

team.mom: Thank god you guys aren’t in trouble.

team.mom: Now can someone please explain to me why he didn’t know in the first place??

roomba has left the chat 

GwaineTheGreat: ???????

—

LiteralAngel>>>>>team.mom

LiteralAngel: Her dad was mistreating her. Abusing her, Morgana. She told me he had been yelling at her that night and even threw a vase at her head. Apparently it had been a long time since he got physical like that, which was concerning on its own.

LiteralAngel: Naturally, I couldn’t let her stay there so I picked her up and she ended up spending a few nights over here. She didn’t want you or Arthur to worry so that’s why she didn’t tell you guys.

team.mom: Oh god... That’s horrible. Thank you for telling me, Guinevere. I’m going to talk to Morgause and then tell my father so we can do something about this.

LiteralAngel: No problem. I hope things get better.

team.mom: Me too. Thank you again.

——

GwaineTheGreat added roomba to the chat

GwaineTheGreat: It’s cute how you think you can escape hell


End file.
